Over the last few years I have shared some of our (ongoing) adventures in Autism here, here and here. Whether it is a side effect of medications or just one more area of persistent discomfort associated with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), our son has had a hard time with chapped lips (and other skin issues in the past). I have also seen this with other individuals suffering from ASD over the years.
Whatever the cause, it was a never-ending issue and for years we relied on commercial lip balms. Because of his level of consumption, I began to worry about all the of the chemicals and additives commonly used in commercial manufacture of lip balm. So some years back I looked online and found a number of helpful sites with recipes and instructions for making lip balm at home. I also learned that would making a healthier and safer lip balm at home would be quite economical – costing pennies per container.
I started making our lip balm and never looked back.
Being a bit of a perfectionist I have also made a small label that lists the 5 ingredients and includes a small bee logo. All totally unnecessary of course – this is not a commercial product, just something we like to use and give to friends and relatives. Yesterday we ran out of our stock of Busy Beeswax Peppermint Lip Balm, so this afternoon I have made another batch.
In case this may be of interest to anyone else I am including here a standard lip balm recipe and instructions.
Ingredients:
2 heaping T Beeswax
2 T Coconut Oil (solid state)
1 T Almond or Sunflower/Safflower Oil
15 Drops Peppermint Essential Oil
1 t Vitamin E oil (I use 45,000 IU – max concentration.
You also need small containers for the lip balm (though my husband Matt has suggested making “one big one”).
Instructions:
Bring water to a simmer in a pot large enough to hold a 2 cup pyrex measuring cup; Add the Beeswax, Coconut Oil and Almond or Sunflower oil to the measuring cup and place it in the simmering water.
When the Beeswax and Coconut Oil have melted, remove the measuring cup and add remaining ingredients, then pour the lip balm into containers while it is still liquid.
(If it starts to cool too much you can put the measuring cup back into simmering water for a moment or two to bring it back to liquid form.)
The bottom line: As always we face a number of challenges lacking easy solutions – life with or without ASD is never a straight line. Making lip balm at home has at least resolved the issue of persistent chapped lips, in a healthier, and more affordable way. This is an amazing, affordable lip balm with wholesome ingredients, the best I have ever used at any price point.
It always make me feel good when I can do something, however small, to make our lives better.
(Now back to cooking for the last night of Passover.)
Earlier today – day 5 of Passover – I was looking through my bag of tricks for something new, something different … something for a truly satisfying dinner that does not involve matzah in any way, shape or form. (Ok, so the placemat still screams Pesach.)
Passover Mushroom-Potato Pancake with Green Salad
If any of the above strikes a chord, this recipe is for you – particularly for the non-kitniyot consumers out there. It is adapted from a non-Passover recipe that I found in my cookbook library in a volume entitled: Jewish Cooking from Around the World (1986), by Josephine Levy Bacon. My version is a bit different – less potato, more mushroom. The following recipe serves 2 adults with leftovers for a second meal. Because I am not cooking for a crowd this year, I cut the original recipe in half; if you have more people it is easy to scale up.
Ingredients
Pancakes:
2 Eggs
1/2 Cup Almond Flour
1/2 Potato Starch
1 Tablespoon Water and 1/2 cup additional water
1/4 tsp salt
Sunflower Oil or Oil of your choice for making pancakes
Potato/Mushroom Filling
3 medium potatoes – boiled, peeled and mashed*
1 onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, chopped
3 large portobello mushrooms, diced, or other 6-8 ounces of other mushrooms as available.
2 Tbs parsley, chopped
1T Extra Virgin Olive Oil / Sunflower Oil
Salt, Pepper to taste
Topping
**3 ounces Cheddar Cheese, grated
––
*The easiest way to boil potatoes quickly is to slice them into 1 – 2 inch sections first, and the easiest way to peel potatoes is to boil them first.
** This recipe can be made dairy free with omission of the grated cheese.
Instructions
For the pancake batter, mix all of the ingredients until the mixture is smooth, adding the 1/2 cup of water gradually, and then let the mixture rest for 30 minutes covered. The 30 minute wait is Josephine Levy Bacon’s advice in her original recipe. The pancakes come out really well this way – who am I to argue with success?
While the pancake batter is resting, you can boil the potatoes for the Potato-Mushroom Filling, if you have not already done that. (Sometimes I do pre-boil potatoes for convenience during the Jewish holidays – they all seem to require potatoes!)
Sauté the other vegetables in Extra Virgin Olive Oil / Sunflower Oil (I use a mixture) or you preferred oil. I generally start with the onions and garlic, adding the mushrooms and parsley when the onions are translucent. Once the vegetables are cooked, mix in the mashed potatoes and set aside.
Potatoes boiling while the Portobello Mushrooms are cookingPortobello Mushrooms ready for their closeup
Returning to the pancake batter, I found with the mixture of almond flour and potato starch the batter had settled a bit during the 30 minute rest, and needed a good stir. Apart from that, it makes delightful thin pancakes. To make the pancakes you will need your best smallish non-stick pan – basically the size pan you would use to make an omelet. Heat the oil in the pan over moderate heat and add 3 Tablespoons or so of batter, swirling the pan to distribute the batter. Cook 2-3 minutes or until the pancake is set and moves easily in the pan. Flip and cook another minute on the second side; place the cooked pancake on a paper towel and start the second pancake. The goal here is not to let the pancakes get crisp – they should remain soft and pliable, like a crepe. As a point of reference, I made 8 pancakes with this recipe.
Crepe-like Pancakes
Once you have made the pancakes, you are ready to fill them, adding approximately 2-3 tablespoons of the cooked vegetables to each pancake before rolling it up and placing it in a shallow casserole dish.
Filling the pancakesHalfway done8 filled pancakes, layered in a shallow casserole
Top with 3 ounces of grated cheddar cheese and bake at 375 degrees (moderately hot) oven to melt the cheese.
Mushroom-Potato Pancakes
These Mushroom-Potato Pancakes make a delicious change from the usual Passover fare – without any special, exotic ingredients. I hope that you enjoy this as much as we do.
This year – at least so far – I have been unable to find the quinoa flakes that were so helpful last year for my Passover Granola. So what’s a gal to do?!
After asking at both of the likely stores nearby (there is one more a bit further away to check), I woke up early this morning determined to find a solution, which appeared in the form of Buckwheat Penne pasta.
Of course I had to cook it first – al denté – and then I cut the pasta into little rings and toasted it in the pan just like I would do if it were (the customary) oatmeal. Then I stirred in the usual ingredients in turn, and hoped for the best.
My husband – and number one granola fan – was brave enough to try it and pronounced it delicious. (Whew.) The bottom line is that if you can find quinoa flakes, go for it. Otherwise you can substitute any Kosher L’Passover (KLP) small pasta shape.
A close friend has requested my recipe for Mushroom Barley Soup – the ultimate compliment – so I am sharing it here. After several weeks of beautiful weather with balmy temperatures we are back to wind and rain here in the north of Israel and so a perfect day to make another hardy, winter soup!
To get started, it is very helpful to presoak 1 cup of barley in a measuring cup with 1 cup of water – essentially double the amount of barley. This is not an essential step, however it will speed up the cooking of the barley. (Another option if you are short on time is to microwave the barley and water for 1 – 2 minutes.)
Ingredients
1 T vegetable oil (I use sunflower oil, and then add a small amount of olive oil for more flavor)
1 medium onion or leek (white parts), chopped
1 bay leaf
2 cloves garlic, chopped
3 medium carrots, diced
2-3 celery stalks, diced (including leaves – if the celery root is attached, so much the better)
1 package of mushrooms, cleaned and sliced
Optional: 1 cup green cabbage, julienned and chopped, medium zucchini, grated
1/4 cup fresh parsley, chopped
2 cups chickpeas, cooked, including their cooking liquid
1 cup barley, pre-soaked 1 hour
6 – 8 Cups of vegetable stock or water or vegetarian soup stock.
1 tsp. salt, pepper to taste
Instructions
1. Heat the vegetable oil over low heat in a pot large enough to hold all the Ingredients. Add chopped onion or leek and sauté for five minutes with the cover on over low heat, until the onions or leek slices are translucent and begin to brown. Add the garlic, sauté for a few minutes, and then stir in celery, carrots, mushrooms (and optional vegetables). The more different kinds of vegetables that you add, the better the soup will be. Let cook ten minutes (add a few tablespoons of water if the pot starts to get dry), and add parsley, chick peas and cooking liquid.
2. Stir, and add stock or water. Raise heat, and bring the soup to a boil. Then, lower heat and add the barley, simmering at least one hour, with the top on the pot, but open a crack.
3. Taste and cook longer if the flavor is not strong enough yet. Add salt and pepper just before serving.
What is your favorite winter weather soup? Tell me what you like – or what you would like me to share – in the comments below.
A quick note on Celery Root: Celery Root is a wonderful addition to soups – all you have to do is clean and trim the root, then julienne the root and add it together with the celery stalk and leaves. You may find celery with the root attached; other times you can buy the celery root separately.
This morning I am getting the jump on my Hamentaschen for Mishloach Manot, which are gifts of food given to friends and family on Purim.
Purim starts here in Zichron Yaakov tomorrow evening and in Jerusalem on Tuesday evening, although the parades of costumed kids began last week. So today/tomorrow I am baking and putting together small gifts of at least two kinds of food – including Hamentaschen – to share with our community here.
Is it my imagination, or does Purim seem to start earlier / last longer every year?
Sometimes I just make poppy-seed as here in 2017
In case you have not seen them, Hamentashen are a traditional 3-cornered cookie also known as Oznei Haman (Haman’s Ears in Hebrew), traditionally made with poppy-seed (Mohn) filling. If you don’t care for poppy-seed, you can find them with jams or even chocolate or Nutella.
(There is also another important element of gifts to the poor – element of focusing on those in need, not just our own friends and relatives – which I am not writing about today, and just wanted to mention because that is just as important for the holiday.)
I follow the old Chabad recipe – the one that comes in the middle of the Chabad Jewish Calendar. I find it to be reliable and it’s nice to return to something tried and true every year. I do find that sometimes the dough is a bit sticky, and I also like to occasionally branch out beyond poppyseed (mohn) filling. (With apologies to my son Aaron, I am not ready for peanut butter!)
You may also have your favorite recipe and fillings – and here in Israel there is no need to bake at all – the shops have been full of beautiful hamantaschen cookies for at least the last month!
If you are baking hamantaschen this year, here are a few hints that I hope may be helpful:
With Passover (Pesach) just around the corner, Purim is also a great time to use ingredients that may not be kosher for Passover. For example, you can substitute a little corn flour for wheat flour in your recipe – as long as it is not more than 25% of the total flour used.
I am also using (open) jam as filling for some of the cookies – we have strawberry, pomegranate and orange – and it is a great feeling to finish things before Passover.
If. you are worried about your dough being too sticky, reduce the wet ingredients – either cut back 1 egg or reduce the orange juice or other juice/water. In the recipe above I have substituted 1/3 orange juice and still needed to add a little additional flour.
If possible, refrigerate the dough after mixing for 1 – 2 hours. This will make it easier to roll the dough out, and should also cut down on the amount of flour needed to keep the dough from sticking. I have the dough in the refrigerator now while I clean up from the first step, write this, and get organized for the next step.
Be sure to divide the dough into 4 – 6 sections – returning the remainder to the refrigerator as you roll out each portion. This will make the rolling easier and keep the dough chilled as you are working.
When you roll out the dough it is also very helpful to use wax paper (or any baking paper you may have) to make it easier to get the dough to the desired thinness – approximately 1/8 inch.
These are just a few small hints that I hope may be helpful for the Hamentaschen-uninitiated. Let me know in the comments below if you have suggestions of your own, questions of concerns.
Here are my baked Hamentaschen here and would love to see yours!
In 2022, I wrote here about my 2nd Middle Age fitness journey, and now I am writing again to share my recent discussion with Donna Goodwin Osher, Specialist Trainer. Donna works with both adults and young children. This conversation has been edited for clarity and length.
We are including photos of actual training sessions with Donna. This is what 62 looks like in my own 2nd Middle Age.
Core Strengthening (1)Core Strengthening (2)
Susan: Why is fitness training so important in 2nd Middle Age?
Donna: Of course fitness is important at every age. As we get older, physical training is very helpful to maintain mobility, improve balance and keep strong. Training helps to retain and increase bone density, which is very important for healthy aging. Core strength training is very important to stabilize and protect the spine, increase agility and make every day movements easier, as shown above.
“Staying active in 2nd Middle Age is important for physical, mental & emotional well-being.”
Donna Goodwin Osher, Specialist Trainer
Susan: How would you describe the benefits of Physical Training for people in 2nd Middle Age?
Donna: There are myriad benefits for 2nd Middle Age: enhancing energy levels, maintaining a healthy weight, and increasing social outlets. For example, I work with couples in their 60s and above. It is wonderful to see the ‘feel-good’ factor on their smiling faces.
Whether it is for an individual or a couple, physical training sessions mitigate health problems like arthritis, diabetes, high blood pressure, elevated cholesterol and heart disease. Improving flexibility and balance helps to strengthen bones, and decrease risk of falls. We also know now that physical training benefits the brain, helping to retain mental clarity and memory. And of course of this contributes to better quality of life at every age.
Susan: What do you recommend for people to get started in 2nd Middle Age?
Donna: Anyone can get started at any age – it is literally never too late. Go out for regular walks with your partner, with friends or on your own.
As the image above shows, you can use simple equipment like park benches for chest presses or squats. Have fun by joining a group session class, training 1:1, or with a partner to have fun together whilst reaping the mental and physical health benefits.
Susan: What do you think are the most important building blocks for fitness in 2nd Middle Age?
Donna: The most important thing is to just start where you are: walking, swimming, gentle hiking, gardening, walking a pet – all of these things are easy ways to get moving. If you are home-bound for any reason, you can also work with a trainer online. I routinely work with clients remotely.
Working out together as a couple has many proven benefits:
combining exercises that you do together,
holding hands whilst squatting,
chair exercises where you share a ball/ band and alternate exercises together,
singing along to some of your favorite music,
being motivated to do something shared and together,
having a great motivating personal trainer,
keeping to a routine and weekly structure together, motivating each other, and
enjoying each others company.
Susan: Can you share a little more about your own fitness journey?
Donna: My fitness journey started in the early 90’s in Los Angeles, CA, where I experienced many sides of the fitness craze – from Jane Fonda workouts to body builders working out at Muscle Beach, Venice. I attended crazy populated group hip-hop classes of 150+ people of all ages, and saw rollerbladers from young kids to 90+ year olds skating along Venice Beach and having the time of their lives, whilst keeping fit, healthy and in shape!
I also witnessed the flip side where portion sizes in restaurants in the USA were colossal! Free soda refill, as much as you like on tap, and children’s ’staple’ diet was fast food, unlimited soda, and huge children’s portion sizes too!
This was the point at which I chose this profession to get qualified as a group instructor and personal trainer, as I wanted to be a part of peoples’ lives to help them reach their fitness and healthy lifestyle goals.
The rest they say is history…and 30 years later, I am still as passionate about it now as I was way back then to help both adults and young children to be physically active, strong, and fit, by motivating, mentoring and educating people and most of all, to have FUN whilst reaping all the health related benefits.
Most recently I have launched my first endorsed training course Zeros 2 Heroes, to train early years practitioners, kids activity trainers and PT’s in physical development of babies to 2 years old with the main focus of babies being ‘Active from Birth’ and postnatal mothers to ease back into a physical active lifestyle combined with her baby.
“The first 2 years of life are crucial for health brain development and motor skill movement.”
Donna Goodwin Osher
I strongly believe that anyone, any age, young, old, all abilities and those with challenges, can lead a healthy, active lifestyle. The ‘proof in the pudding’ is that I still train clients from 3 moths old – 96 years young! And it’s nevertoo late to start.
On a personal level, in my early 20s I experienced a life-threatening, life-altering illness. From that time to the present, fitness training has been my top priority and a life-saver for my own physical and mental health. Moving the body everyday is something that has always brought me back from whatever traumas and diagnoses I have had to face over the years. Some days are debilitating, and yet the necessity to move my body always brings me back to myself. I encourage all my clients to do the same, to feel and reap the positive benefits from physical exercise.
I am ACE and NVQ certified with several diplomas in teaching, training and child physical development, Cimspa endorsed and specialist trainer for Pediatric Hypermobility.
The New Year is almost here – and so are all the crazy, restricted 30-day diets promising miraculous weight loss and a return to youth.
Mixed Green Salad with cubed tofu – rich in Prebiotics
While the details vary, these New Year’s resolutions diets have one thing in common: they all prey on our very human desire to look and feel our best at every age.
Of course we all know in our hearts that restrictive diets are not sustainable or healthy. These crash diets crash and burn every time. And unintended side effects include potential for long term damage to metabolism, resulting in – you guessed it – additional weight gain. Still there is something about the New Year that brings out the magical thinking, that convinces is that this time will be different.
2024 can be different – and much better – with the Microbiome Diet Resolution.
I started to explore the benefits of a Microbiome Diet* in earnest in 2017, and first wrote about it here: including the following ABCs:
A – Add Naturally Occurring Probiotics: fermented foods. Popular Probiotic foods include: unsweetened Kefir/Yogurt /Leben or other fermented dairy products, Sourdough breads, Miso, Kombucho, Kimchi, and Tempeh, among others
B – Boost Consumption of Prebiotics: fiber-rich whole fruits and vegetables, whole grain products and complex carbohydrates
C – Curtail Processed Foods: these include foods with fillers, colors, added sugars, high-fructose corn syrup, and/or artificial sweeteners, and other simple, low-fiber (refined) carbohydrates. This is all the stuff you already know is not good for you.
Unlike a highly restrictive diet that shortchanges your body and your brain, adoption of the Microbiome Diet represents a mind-shift for holistic health, promoting your long term well-being.
We all know that the changes that really stick are not the sudden big attempts to change everything at once. Instead it is best to focus on one thing at a time, to really solidify the adjustment to your daily routine, and then to add the next building block.
I am here to set you up for success. All of the recipes on I post here at 2ndMiddleAge.blog are Microbiome friendly, including salads, soups, entrees and desserts. Many are vegetarian, vegan and/or Gluten Free (GF).
The first step: make an honest inventory of what you eat on average, ie your daily / weekly diet. This is because we all want to turn the page, however we have to read it first. In other words, it important to be honest with ourselves of the strengths and weaknesses at the outset.
My messy Microbiome-friendly fridge – what’s in your refrigerator?
Then we can move on to the ABCs of the Microbiome Diet, taking care not to overload the system. Unlike crash diets I am not telling you to throw out everything in your pantry and to buy expensive supplements or exotic foods. Quite the opposite; the most successful and sustainable healthy diet is built methodically and slowly, one step at a time. You will start to feel better and to see results in the first week or two, however meaningful change takes time.
For the next step on your Microbiome Diet journey, the A is to add Probiotics (fermented foods): like yogurt, kombucha, sourdough bread, etc., that you already like, and make a concerted effort to include them in your daily diet. Including probiotics help to support a healthy gut and also brings interesting flavors and textures into your life.
Kimchi – one of my fave fermented foods!
Once you have incorporated Probiotics into your diet, the B is to Boost Prebiotic foods – whole grains, legumes and complex carbohydrates. Unlike crash diets, including whole grains, legumes and other complex carbohydrates will actually help you to feel full longer and to lose weight gradually, safely and without long term negative effects.
All of these everyday fruits and vegetables are a healthy, delicious part of your Microbiome Diet
After you have successfully introduced Probiotics and Prebiotics into your daily routine, the C stands for Curtailing processed foods. This last Microbiome Diet building block actually should be much easier after you are already enjoying more variety in terms of fermented foods, whole grains, legumes and other complex carbohydrates. Because you are adding so many delicious, healthy things, you may also crave fewer processed foods.
Taking up the Microbiome Diet in stages instead of all at once, leads to meaningful, sustainable improvements in your nutritional footprint, and gradual, longterm weight stabilization and even possible weight loss over time.
The New Year is the perfect time make these gradual, sustainable changes incorporating elements of the Microbiome Diet in a way that works for you.
So are you ready for your 2023 Microbiome Resolution?
*If you have special dietary needs please first check with your doctor, dietitian or nutritionist before starting this or any new diet.
If you are happy to enjoy tofu in your favorite Asian restaurant but remain mystified about what tofu to buy in the supermarket and how to prepare it at home, I am writing this for you.
If you have wistfully picked up a box of fresh tofu in the supermarket only to put it down again because it would “just sit in your refrigerator,” this is for you.
And if you think of Tofu as a blah, boring white block of protein, this is for you too.
While Tofu can be eaten safely without cooking – it should have a clean, fresh mild soy flavor – like other forms of protein, tofu benefits from seasoning or marinating. And as you may already be sick of hearing, tofu can be used in place of dairy as in (Vegan) Soy Sour Cream, and stand in for animal protein in cold dishes like Crunchy Tofu Salad. It is also tasty and convenient and in hot lunches/dinners as in the recipe for Everyday Tofu (below).
First, some brief background on buying and storing tofu.
In the main, there are two the different kinds of tofu: Fresh Tofu generally sold submerged in water and Long-Life Silken Tofu sold in sealed, aseptic packaging.
Fresh tofu – Firm to Extra Firm – is best for most uses. We are blessed in Zichron Yaakov to live in close proximity to the best fresh tofu in Israel, made and sold by Tofu An in nearby Binyamina, Israel. Tofu An is a Japanese, vegan restaurant specializing in tofu. Everything on the menu includes tofu in one incarnation or another, and based on our empirical experience it is all remarkably delicious. (The great danger of lunch at Tofu An is overeating.)
Tofu An also sells their tofu for home use and we never leave without purchasing 1-2 kilos of amazing fresh tofu on the way out the door. The photo below is 1 kilo of fresh Tofu A tofu (weighed before packaging and then sold in water); each serving of 100 grams (3.5 ounces) of firm Tofu provides 17 grams of protein.
Returning home, I just stick the sealed bag of tofu in the refrigerator.
After I open the back to use some of the tofu, I shift the remainder into a storage container, taking care to ensure that it is fully submerged in water before refrigeration. If I don’t finish the remainder in a day or two, I change the water.
Always cover your fresh tofu in water, change the water every few days to ensure freshness
I have a few special recipes that specifically call for Silken (Long Life) Tofu, and you can generally find it in your supermarket in the International or Asian food aisle, in small 12 ounce / 340 gram boxes that look like this:
Silken Tofu can be safely stored in your pantry – because it is packaged aseptically it does not require refrigeration before opening. My own preference is to use Silken Tofu for desserts and of course for Vegan Sour Cream. The red box above is Soft; Mori-Nu packages their Firm Silken Tofu in a blue box, so it is easy to tell them apart. Also because the boxes are smaller (12 ounces or 340 grams) I usually use the full box for a single recipe.
So as you can see, you don’t actually need to know very much to get started cooking tofu at home. The main thing is to take a deep breath and bring some tofu home with you to experiment!
The rewards are manifold. Here is one easy recipe for basic cooked tofu that can be eaten with rice or pasta:
Everyday Tofu
Ingredients
1 pound firm tofu
One medium onion
One clove garlic
3 Tablespoons vegetable oil for cooking (I like Sunflower Oil)
1 large to two small carrots
1 T soy sauce or tamari/shoyu sauce
Instructions
1. Drain the tofu by placing on a slanted board, or on a board in the sink with a weight (heavy pot or measuring cup) on top of it. Leave the tofu to drain while you prepare the vegetables.
2. Chop the onion coarsely, into pieces of about 1 inch in size. Peel and dice the carrots.
3. In a wok or sauté pan large enough to hold all of the Ingredients, add approximately 3 Tablespoons vegetable oil. When the oil is hot (medium low heat), add the onions and carrots to the pan. Crush the garlic with a garlic press into the vegetables in the pan.
3. Wipe remaining water from the tofu with a paper towel, and dice the tofu into small triangles or squares, of about 1 – 2 inches in length. Add the tofu to the cooking vegetables, stirring to mix well.
4. Continue to cook on medium low heat until the tofu is browned on all sides, then stir in soy sauce and remove from heat.
Serve with rice and a green salad. This is an easy, healthy meal for children, as it can be prepared ahead and reheated.
I have been making this recipe literally for decades – it is pretty much idiot-proof. My own kids always loved it; even the pickiest of eaters seem to enjoy Everyday Tofu with rice.
As an alternative, you can also stir in 4 cups of cooked rice at the end of cooking to make easy fried rice, and of course you can add other vegetables like sliced shiitake or other mushrooms, ginger slices, 1 or more red chillies (to taste), broccoli, red peppers or other vegetables that you may have on hand.
Today’s Tofu Fried Rice with shiitake mushroom and broccoli
I am a big believer in the idea that life provides repeated opportunities to learn – and relearn – the same lesson over and over again until it really sticks. On my side, I have a tendency to agree to what other people want, before really thinking through whether it is what I want to do.
One of the most important lessons that I am trying to bring into my day life in 2nd Middle Age is the right to say “no.” As a colleague reminded me the other day, “No” is one of the most important words in our vocabulary, and we should not be afraid to use it.
This can be a genuinely painful process – it is so hard for me to disappoint others and it has been drilled into my head over such a long time that it the most important thing is to get to “Yes.” I realize now that this is just not true, at least not for me, and not at this stage in my life.
So now I am trying to be just a little bit like a cat. When is the last time you saw a cat (willingly) undertake to do something that it doesn’t want to do?
What does she know that I don’t?
Of course in 2nd Middle Age we remain responsible adults (assuming we were already there to begin with) – presumably with family or other responsibilities our lives.
Still, to the extent that your external obligations, health and financial well-being allow, this is a great time to just say no, to focus on the people and activities that are important to you, that add value to your days.
Is this as hard for you as it is for me?
Here are some of the questions I am trying to think about when I start to feel uncomfortable with commitments that I may have taken on without really thinking through whether they are something that I want in my life:
– What is the difference between leaving your comfort zone (potentially rewarding) and agreeing to do something that is just not a good fit for you?
– Whatever it is, the opportunity may be really, really important, but does that mean that it is essential for you to be part of it? (No, not really.)
– Even if, all things being equal, if the project is very important generally speaking and also important to you, is the project being led by the right people? (Pay attention go ANY red flags or feelings of discomfort.)
– When is saying no to an obligation critical to say yes to something – or someone – more important to you?
– How do you make space in your life for the next big thing or even just little things that are important to you?
We all know that much of what we are able to accomplish in life depends on what we don’t do as much as what we do – the choices we make every day determines how we spend our days.
